'Is there a right way to parent?'
There are many approaches towards raising children. This often comes with the notion that there is a 'right' way to parent. We caution against one-size-fits-all solutions, since parents shape their kids as much as their kids shape their parents. An approach that works with one child might not work with another. Look at how different siblings are from each other and you see our point.
There isn't a single 'right' way to raise children. That said, some beliefs conflict with our approach to education. We would like to address them here:
1#
Common belief: ''I know what my children should learn''
Reframe: ''My children are in charge of their own education''
Parents have much more life experience than their children. Parents worry their children might miss out on valuable knowledge and experiences if they aren't nudged, encouraged, or compelled to go a certain direction.
We can all agree that some basics benefit everyone (writing, reading, maths). Based on other democratic schools' experience, children learn these basics through everyday interactions and play.
For all other knowledge and experiences, parents are free to suggest or lead by example. However, we would caution against creating a school at home. Being compelled to learn doesn't foster a love of learning. Instead, focus on what your children are interested in. Become a facilitator instead of a teacher.
2#
Common belief: ''It's just play''
Reframe: ''Play is how children learn''
Some parents hear about our educational approach and think, "If my children are free to learn whatever they want, they will find the intrinsic motivation at some point to do all the worksheets from a normal school curriculum." In reality, children rarely do what traditionally schooled children are made to do. Especially the younger students in democratic schools might play the whole day. Because that is how children learn. Through play, children learn to take initiative, solve problems, negotiate, cooperate, and resolve conflicts, all while doing something that brings them joy.
3#
Common belief: ''My child is my project''
Reframe: ''My children are their own person''
This belief isn't often spoken out loud. But you often uncover it when you ask how their children are doing. Parents often list things they want to improve in their children. Singapore's billion-dollar 'enrichment' industry also suggests parents believe their efforts will make their children better, more successful, and, eventually, happier people.
The economist Bryan Caplan nuances this belief in his book ‘Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think’. One conclusion is that genes matter more than parenting. In other words, if you turned out fine, your kids are likely to turn out fine too.
Caplan's evidence comes from adoption studies from the US, Germany, and Sweden. Adopted children resemble their biological parents (‘nature’) more than their adoptive parents (‘nurture’), especially later in life. If nature has a bigger impact, parents can spend much less time and money on tuition, scolding children for not doing their homework, or stressing them out about their grades. Instead, they can relax and do more activities the whole family finds enjoyable. As in the subtitle of Caplan's book: 'Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think'.
Some parents might even consider an alternative route by considering Singapore Democratic School:
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